i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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