So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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