I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
