you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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