awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
