im about as happy as oj after his trial
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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