He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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