she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
