I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
