i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
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We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
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All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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