So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
