just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
