i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
