You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I love you. Go after that dick
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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