I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
