There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
