Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
