Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
