So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
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They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
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Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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