Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
