worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
