heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
