you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
