Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
