she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
