I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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