And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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