my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
