made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
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Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
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But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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