Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
