i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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