I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
