I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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