Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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