I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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