Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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