I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
