why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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