please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
