So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize