i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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