She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
