I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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