mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
