Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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