I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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