between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
