when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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