Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i believe in u and ur pee
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
