but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
