Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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