....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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