one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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