pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And my parents said I crawled through the house
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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