hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
