just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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