I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
