I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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