this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
