Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
