cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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