Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
