i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
